The First Conscious Choice

At the age of five, I stood outside my aunt’s house, terrified as I watched my mother attempt to shield my ears from the chaos erupting in the backyard. The fear of my mother’s anger and the alarming sounds created a vivid memory.

“It’s alright. You’ll be fine,” my mother reassured me. My aunt’s voice echoed, “One shot was all it took to take the animal out!” Her excitement, coupled with a comforting hand on my head, made her say, “We’ll have some delicious sausages for dinner.” In that moment, I made a deliberate decision to never eat meat again—a choice I have upheld for thirty-five years. The repercussions of that choice? Let’s just say they were quite numerous for my mother.

The Significance of Deliberate Choices

Every day, we encounter a myriad of choices. While some are trivial, others can alter the course of our lives. From our wardrobe selections to our career paths, these choices shape our realities. Yet, many individuals navigate life without making conscious decisions.

Various external influences, societal expectations, and simple inertia often dictate our paths. Psychologists and neuroscientists have been tirelessly investigating the intricacies of how we make decisions. Recent studies have revealed shocking insights that challenge traditional beliefs and enhance our understanding of human decision-making processes.

Research from Universita Giustino Fortunato, titled "A Theoretical Approach to the Effective Decision-Making Process," indicates that decisions can occur without recognizing the opportunity to choose. This leads to a clearer definition of decision-making: it requires at least two alternatives. The research highlights the process as comprising several key steps:

1. Description of the problem
2. Analysis of causes
3. Identification of alternative solutions
4. Verification of the validity of the various alternatives
5. Selection of a solution
6. Development of an implementation plan
7. Monitoring the plan until the desired outcome is achieved

This leads me to ponder: Have you noticed how often people opt for decisions by default rather than by design? In 2010, I realized that many of us suffer simply because we lack the skills to make informed decisions. I witnessed this in my own life repeatedly, from choosing the wrong partner to settling for unsatisfying jobs, all while neglecting to truly understand myself. The outcomes were telling.

The first step towards improving your life is recognizing the distinction between a mere decision and a conscious choice. A 2012 scientific paper from the National Library of Medicine highlights that there is a profound difference between making a decision and one that is fully conscious.

Conscious decision-making entails awareness, introspection, and a genuine understanding of your values and objectives. It involves recognizing your power to shape your destiny. The study explains that cognitive control—an umbrella term for functions that enable us to adapt our behavior—is vital in this process.

Reflecting back, my first conscious choice at five years old was a moment of clarity. I didn’t concern myself with societal expectations; I simply knew that taking a life was incompatible with my values. However, it took me years to grasp the importance of intentional decision-making—choosing with purpose rather than fear.

The Fear of Regret vs. the Fear of Conformity

The anxiety of making the wrong choice can be paralyzing. Society imposes timelines: you must marry by 30, have children, secure a mortgage, and be burdened by debt by 40. If you deviate from these norms, you risk being labeled a failure.

Fear is a common aspect of the human experience, but what are we truly afraid of? What if you remain single forever? What if you don’t have children? Does that diminish your worth? Or if you choose not to take on a mortgage, does that make you a bad person?

Consider the choice to follow the latest trend of becoming a solopreneur: does enjoying your job make you less valuable?

The Nurse Who Pushed Herself to the Brink

During my tenure with the National Health Service, I witnessed my colleagues grapple with immense pressures daily—unrealistic targets, overwhelming patient loads, and insufficient resources.

While shadowing experienced nurses, I observed how unconscious choices manifested in dire consequences. One patient, driven by a misguided desire to prove himself, jumped from a cliff into shallow waters, resulting in a life-altering injury. Sadly, he was not alone; I cared for several similar cases.

Every day, countless individuals make decisions without awareness—whether it’s enduring a job that contradicts their values, associating with people who don’t resonate with them, or consuming harmful substances.

An alarming reality emerged when I joined the NHS: a significant number of nurses were chain smokers. When break time arrived, lighting a cigarette was the first order of business. You’d think that knowledge alone would deter such choices, yet awareness often doesn’t scratch the surface.

One Friday, after a long clinic day, I overheard two seasoned nurses discussing their struggles. One lamented her constant fatigue and her wish to escape the job. When I returned on Monday, I learned she had suffered a severe stroke and might never work again.

Was she consciously ignoring her body’s signals? Were her choices aligned with her values?

Taking Responsibility for Your Life

Will self-pity or ignorance lead to humanity's downfall? I can’t say for certain, but I believe we possess more control over our lives than we realize. We always have a choice: to live in blissful ignorance or to take full responsibility.

So, how can we cultivate better decision-making skills? It starts with understanding your values, priorities, and long-term goals. When confronted with choices, reflect on how each aligns with your core beliefs. Evaluate the potential consequences and, above all, consider what you truly desire.

It’s crucial to remember that life is a journey, and most decisions can be revisited and adjusted. There’s no singular "correct" path; there is only the path that feels right for you at any given moment. Embrace the idea that life consists of a series of decisions, each contributing to your unique narrative.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Until next time.

© D.Sahaya

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