Chapter 1: The Weight of Fear

It took me far too long to muster the courage to hit the green “Publish” button at the top-right corner of my screen. Admitting this is somewhat embarrassing, but the past month has been consumed with caring for my 3-year-old daughter and staring blankly at this monitor.

Initially, I was thrilled about this new venture; I was in the zone, brimming with confidence, and eager to write. The words flowed seamlessly from my mind to my fingertips until a single thought interrupted my flow: “Oh no. Actual people are going to read this.”

That one thought spiraled me into anxiety, letting the “What ifs” take control. “What if I have nothing valuable to say? What if my grammar is awful? What if I receive harsh criticism? What if I’m ridiculed? What if my past is judged? What if no one resonates with my story? What if I’m not liked?”

These worries grew so overwhelming that I shut my laptop, paralyzed by self-doubt. “What was I thinking? I’m not a genuine writer, and I lack the credentials. I’ve never published anything before. This is too overwhelming… I can’t do this!”

I had become so accustomed to giving up without even trying that this reaction felt automatic—embedded in my psyche and trapping me in a cycle of misery. The fear of failure became a twisted comfort. “At least I won’t embarrass myself in front of others!”

I had never allowed myself to express my thoughts or share my truth. Instead, I built a protective wall around my heart, vowing never to expose myself to pain again. My fear of sharing my story stemmed from the belief that judgment, criticism, and ridicule awaited me, making vulnerability synonymous with suffering.

I eventually realized that the wall I constructed to safeguard my heart was doing the opposite. I had kept everyone out while also trapping myself inside a prison of my own making. Over the years, I became familiar with prisons—welcoming them, in fact, as they all felt somewhat similar, with only minor differences. It sounds insane, I know, but it was all I had ever known; I had never tasted freedom before.

Chapter 2: Breaking Free from Emotional Prisons

From my childhood onwards, a recurring theme in my life has been the presence of emotionally unavailable and unhealthy individuals. My home life felt like a prison, and I recently discovered the term “Plastic Wrap Parenting,” which perfectly encapsulates my experiences from birth to my early twenties.

In my romantic relationships, I was highly codependent, isolating myself from anyone except those in my partner's circle. This dynamic was another form of imprisonment. I attracted narcissistic individuals who subjected me to verbal and emotional abuse, enduring years of manipulation and mistreatment. (Another prison.)

To cope, I turned to alcohol, which eventually led to experimenting with drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, and heroin. This dark chapter represents another prison—a story for another time. For quite a