Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is often perceived as a noble pursuit, but it can sometimes be a disguise for underlying anxiety. The essence of personal growth lies not in relentless striving but in discovering inner freedom through awareness and acceptance.

“You realize you’re channeling the same energy into running as you once did into drinking, correct?”

“Yes, of course,” I responded, pretending to understand while feeling completely lost.

The comparison seemed absurd. One activity is undeniably beneficial, while the other is harmful, right? Yet, that’s not the full story. Some of the most driven individuals I know also struggle with anxiety, whereas those who appear the most content might indulge in unhealthy habits. What sets them apart is not their actions but their motivations.

Section 1.1: The Roots of Self-Improvement

Many times, self-improvement stems from a feeling of inadequacy. I used to maintain a constant reminder on my list: the need to quit drinking. Each day, I would mull it over, devising plans and picturing an ideal life post-sobriety.

Now, over three years sober, I regret to admit that my life hasn’t transformed into the fantasy I once envisioned. Though my life is indeed better, the changes are subtle rather than monumental. I still wrestle with the same anxieties and have merely traded old habits for new ones. Unresolved traumas have resurfaced, and I continue to experience bouts of anxiety and depression.

Initially, this realization was disheartening. I believed I hadn’t committed enough to my journey. So, I intensified my efforts, crafting an optimized self-improvement routine. Yet, despite my diligence, the outcome remained largely unchanged. When my efforts didn’t yield the anticipated results, I internalized the blame, which only fueled a cycle of anxiety and depression. I returned to medication, feeling like I had failed; I thought lifestyle changes should suffice for healing.

However, an interesting shift occurred once I resumed anxiety medication. I found myself meditating less frequently and abandoning most of my self-improvement practices. Initially alarming, this change soon felt liberating. My anxiety was diminished, and the need to adhere to a strict routine faded.

I began to question whether my intense pursuit of self-improvement was merely a form of anxiety. If the drive to change was alleviated by medication, could it not be a manifestation of the very anxiety I sought to escape?

Subsection 1.1.1: Reflecting on Awareness and Acceptance

Ram Dass, a beloved spiritual mentor of mine, often highlights that the journey through self-improvement methods—like yoga or meditation—can lead us back to the realization that we never truly needed them.

The goal of these methods is to experience them fully, only to discover that the desired awareness was present all along. For instance, someone who loses weight and learns to appreciate their body may realize they could have done so at any time. The essence of change often lies in the awareness and acceptance of our current state rather than in the methods we use to alter it.

Ram Dass suggests that these methods can trap us; they require immersion to ultimately break free. We identify with our routines and practices, leading us to miss the fundamental truth that we are more than our habits.

Chapter 2: The Path to True Freedom

We must navigate through these methods to understand that freedom from anxiety does not stem from constant management or avoidance but from genuine acceptance of our experiences.

In the video "Social Anxiety, Self-Advocacy, and Too Much Self-Help," the complexities of self-help are explored, shedding light on how the pursuit of personal development can sometimes exacerbate anxiety rather than alleviate it.

The second video titled "What Everyone Gets Wrong About Self-Improvement" by Jordan Peterson discusses common misconceptions about the self-improvement journey, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's motivations behind the desire for change.

Section 2.1: Embracing Our True Selves

Regardless of how long I remain sober or how dedicated I am to meditation, I will never be free of anxiety. It is a normal and essential aspect of life, not something to be avoided or suppressed. A healthier relationship with anxiety involves embracing it, along with the desire for self-improvement.

Awareness of our motivations to change is crucial. If we recognize that methods won’t fulfill our deeper needs, we may find ourselves less compelled to engage in them. A paradigm shift in how we view self-improvement—prioritizing acceptance over relentless striving—can lead to a more fulfilling existence.

Yet, this realization can be daunting. If nothing truly matters, what’s stopping us from reverting to unhealthy habits?

I propose that we engage in activities we desire, dissociating them from our self-worth. Staying sober or training for a marathon shouldn’t define our value. Instead, we should do these things out of genuine interest, rather than as a means to fix ourselves.

By separating self-improvement from the need to remedy perceived flaws, we can approach these practices with a newfound freedom. This subtle shift can transform our experience, helping us stay present with our feelings, including anxiety, as well as our aspirations for growth.

This article originally appeared on my blog. If you enjoy this content, consider subscribing there for more insights and a free PDF download of my book, "Write For Your Life." It offers practical writing exercises to help you build a meaningful life.

Best,

Matt