Chapter 1: A Day of Mixed Emotions

What should a divorced woman do on her wedding anniversary? Ignore it, grieve it, celebrate it, or perhaps redefine it?

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Years ago, I befriended a vibrant redhead living in my townhouse community. She radiated confidence but harbored feelings of bitterness after her husband left her for another woman. Despite her strength, there was a sense of entitlement that lingered in her demeanor. After all, her husband had caught her off guard with the divorce, shattering her illusion of a happy marriage. They had even been partners in a business, flipping houses before it became a trend on HGTV.

I’ll always remember her story. On the day she vacated their shared home, she left behind a rather unforgettable gift for her ex. In the foyer, she placed a pair of his work boots stuffed with lingerie and a note that cheekily read, “Good luck finding a woman who does both of these things so well.”

Her clever farewell was both a demonstration of self-respect and a biting farewell. Today, she crosses my mind as I reflect on my own anniversary. It’s hard to forget a day that once symbolized joy and hope but has now turned into a bittersweet memory.

As I mark a few years since my divorce, I find myself feeling nostalgic. I’m left pondering how I should approach this day. Should I disregard it, grieve it, celebrate it, or reinvent it? Honestly, I wish I could forget it entirely.

Should I treat it like any other day? Perhaps I could head to a bar and toast to my newfound freedom, lounge by the pool, or even declare it my personal resurrection day. Maybe I could dive back into the dating scene or throw a celebration for myself.

I definitely won’t mourn this anniversary, that much is certain. While I may feel a twinge of sentimentality, I refuse to wallow in sadness. I understand those who grieve their anniversaries, as I’ve walked that path myself, enduring the painful loss that often accompanies divorce. It’s a long journey that I’m relieved to have left behind.

I don’t miss my ex-husband, and that realization brings me comfort. I’m grateful he revealed his true self during our divorce, as I had been blind to it throughout our marriage. Our counselor once pointed out, “Colleen, your husband keeps showing you who he is, but you choose not to see it.”

While some people thrive in their marriages, I find happiness in my divorce, as my previous marriage was anything but joyful. This reminds me of my old neighbor. While I felt sympathy for her struggles as a single mother, I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m far happier as a divorced woman than I ever was as a miserable spouse.

It feels liberating to be free from control. In fact, perhaps I don’t need to stress about my wedding anniversary at all, as it was never a priority for my ex. I eventually turned the narrative around over the years. We would rent a limo to celebrate our anniversary and invite friends, creating a day filled with fun rather than disappointment. My husband relished the social aspect, while I was just tired of feeling let down.

This anniversary strategy of mine speaks volumes. In healthy relationships, couples look forward to celebrating together, while I had to rally a crowd to make my husband recognize the day’s significance.

As for today, I haven’t settled on a plan. I might indulge in some day drinking by the pool or explore the dating app world for a bit of fun. After all, I’m happily divorced, and the choice is mine to make.

Chapter 2: Lessons from Marriage and Divorce