Chapter 1: The Beginning of a Personal Journey

In 2016, when I transitioned to freelance work, my aim was to immerse myself in creative endeavors. My first project was a poetry collection released in 2017, followed by a solo performance titled Jewnique, which explored my challenging relationship with Judaism. However, I realized that I was merely skimming the surface of deeper issues that needed to be addressed.

For a long time, I had been hesitant to confront a topic that weighed heavily on my mind: my father's mental health struggles and the influence they had on our family dynamics. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a cruel affliction, reaching into a person's psyche and profoundly affecting those around them. While living with my parents, I grappled with confusion about this condition, questioning why it caused my father to retreat from us and how it became entrenched in his life.

Years ago, I attempted to express my feelings about my father's OCD through poetry, but I felt that my early efforts fell short of capturing the complexity of the situation. I recognized that I required a broader canvas to explore its nuances and the effects it had on my mother and brother as well.

Thus, in 2019, my new solo show Before & After began to take form, thanks to support from the Canada Council of the Arts. This project has undergone nine drafts, involved two directors, one dramaturg, and countless rehearsals since the final version was completed just two months ago. Writing this show has been an emotionally taxing experience, as every paragraph reveals personal vulnerabilities.

On March 29, I will finally present Before & After at Tranzac’s back room in Toronto, and I find myself feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement, a sentiment shared by many in the theater community.

Chapter 2: Embracing Fear and Vulnerability

I’ve received advice from many artists to tackle the projects that intimidate you the most. This performance embodies that challenge, as the text lays bare personal truths and reveals family secrets that have remained hidden until now. While I can’t predict how the audience will respond, I am certain of one thing: sharing this narrative about mental health within my family is incredibly cathartic.

As a poignant line from the show articulates, “If there’s one thing that mental illness inspires in me, it’s a desire to help you understand.”