Chapter 1: The Decision to Abstain

Abstaining from sex can sometimes act as a distraction, especially during formative years.

I chose to refrain from sexual activity between the ages of 17 and 20, and it was a conscious decision. It was certainly challenging—my youthful hormones were in overdrive, and even a fleeting glance from an attractive girl could ignite my imagination.

So, what prompted this choice to remain abstinent? Contrary to the belief that I was a staunch advocate for self-improvement or a follower of the No Fap movement (though I respect those who are, like my friend Neeramitra Reddy), my motivation was rooted in a specific ambition.

At that time, I was training to become a professional MMA fighter—a daunting aspiration, particularly since Singapore, my home country, is not renowned for producing fighters. While many excelled in fields like banking and law, I wanted to carve a unique path.

To distinguish myself from the competition, I understood the need to make unconventional choices. I opted to set aside my sexual and romantic pursuits, not solely to gain extra time for training—though that was a factor—but to stand apart from others in my field.

This might sound irrational, but I firmly believed that success requires sacrifice. My experiences in fighting had taught me that if my opponents trained twice a week, I should aim for four sessions; if they trained four, then six. However, there comes a point where too much training leads to diminishing returns. Thus, I sought innovative ways to enhance my skills by eliminating sex and relationships from my life.

For three years, this decision yielded numerous benefits. Primarily, it allowed me to concentrate entirely on my craft. While my rivals spent their free time socializing or dating, I dedicated my evenings to studying fight footage, analyzing techniques, and honing my abilities.

Of course, there were moments of loneliness that crept in. Yet, I reassured myself that this self-imposed abstinence was only temporary. I recognized that eventually, I would need to re-enter the dating scene, but at that age, I felt no societal pressure to do so.

This period of solitude became a personal crucible, and I made the most of it. The loneliness sometimes fueled my drive, pushing me to excel in the sport I loved. It might seem extreme, but I felt that this bitterness provided me with an edge. As I faced opponents in the ring, I thought, "This individual hasn’t made the sacrifices I have. He can afford to lose; he has someone waiting for him at home."

In contrast, I wouldn’t have anyone to console me. This thought motivated me to fight with exceptional intensity.

However, this approach was not sustainable forever. As life progressed, I transitioned out of this mindset, beginning with my mandatory military service. During my time there, I traveled abroad and met a lovely woman. Our relationship blossomed from casual dating to something serious over two years.

While it would make for a satisfying conclusion to claim that this relationship directly enhanced my performance in the ring, the reality is more complex. I achieved some of my most memorable victories while happily involved.

Eventually, my athletic career came to a halt, not due to relationships or sex, but because of various injuries. Today, I am in a stable relationship with another partner and no longer practice abstinence. However, I occasionally miss the intense focus that those three years of self-discipline afforded me. There’s something uniquely invigorating about being young and driven, with little else in your life but your ambitions.

Currently, I’m a writer, and I believe that a vibrant sex life can enhance creativity. Nevertheless, abstinence isn’t for everyone, especially if the motivation isn’t genuine but tied to an artificial goal.

After reconnecting with that wonderful woman and embracing my sexuality again, I found myself engaging in numerous casual encounters as if I were making up for lost time. Despite this, I genuinely believe that my three years of abstinence contributed significantly to my development as a martial artist and instilled in me a deep understanding of the power of sacrifice.

While sacrificing sex isn’t a prerequisite for achieving one’s goals, the willingness to give something up is crucial. For instance, I currently maintain a limited social life outside of my writing—an uncomfortable choice for me as I tend to be extroverted—but it’s a trade-off I accept for the sake of my creative pursuits.

Ultimately, the question you should ask yourself is: What are you prepared to sacrifice to realize your dreams? What stands between your current self and the person you aspire to become? Once you identify that barrier, be ready to make the necessary sacrifices and watch as your aspirations unfold over time.

Chapter 2: The Impact of My Journey

In this video, "OUR ABSTINENCE STORY - TIPS ON ABSTAINING #01," Soila and Curtis share their personal experiences and valuable insights on the journey of abstaining from sex. Their reflections may resonate with anyone considering this path.

Mike Tyson discusses his remarkable five-year period without sex in this video. His candid revelations might inspire those seeking to understand the impact of abstinence on personal growth and discipline.

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