Understanding Women's Sexuality: Beyond the Gatekeeping Role
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Chapter 1: The Burden of Control
From an early age, I learned to manage my sexual urges. The nuns conveyed that engaging in sexual activity before marriage was a grave sin. My mother instilled the belief that only "loose girls" would sleep with men prematurely. My father would quip, "Why purchase the cow if you can get the milk for free?"
In response, I often pointed out that women's bodies naturally produce milk, rendering the cow unnecessary. Moreover, why can't both the cow and the milk be available without transactions? If men must pay for the cow to access the milk, that isn't love; it is akin to prostitution.
It's essential not to overlook that women are not only taught to manage their own desires but also to regulate men's. Society ingrains the notion in young girls that men desire sex and women act as gatekeepers. We impose dress codes in schools to prevent attracting male attention. Sexual education often equates promiscuity with being a "chewed-up piece of gum." Furthermore, many parents take their daughters to "purity balls" to deter them from succumbing to lust.
This isn't merely a conservative American issue; numerous relationship advisors, predominantly male, echo the same outdated advice: refrain from intimacy too soon, or a man may lose respect for you. The popularity of Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," highlights the need for women to adopt a male mindset to comprehend sexual dynamics.
Harvey asserts:
“It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.”
This sounds like a transaction to me. My time is not for sale; it is freely given to those who deserve it. The men who are worthy allow me the freedom to express my sexuality.
The prevailing message is clear: women gain respect by restricting their desires, while men gain respect by indulging theirs. Once a woman has tamed her inner beast, she is expected to please her partner in the bedroom, leading to many women feeling deprived of their right to pleasure. Society teaches that women's bodies should spark male desire while also controlling it.
Section 1.1: Historical Perspectives
Historically, women's sexuality was not always viewed as restrained. During the Hippocratic era, women were perceived as having stronger sexual urges than men. Their desires were so intense that they could lead to the condition known as "hysteria," attributed to the lack of sexual release.
In this context, men were seen as responsible for managing sexual desire, not women. Galen proposed that midwives should help single women with masturbation. Later, physicians took over this role, not necessarily to alleviate female distress but to displace midwives from the medical field.
Perceptions shifted when the Catholic Church began to influence familial structures. Women became responsible for regulating men's desires, with families purchasing brides who were guaranteed to be virgins. The commodification of virginity tied a woman's worth to her sexual purity, while rape often went unpunished, as it was seen as the woman's duty to control male lust.
As the witch hunts reached their peak in the sixteenth century, women were deemed more sexually insatiable than men. The belief was that a woman’s libido made her more vulnerable to demonic possession. However, when women's libidos were seen as weaker than men's, the fervor of the witch hunts diminished. Only by suppressing desire could women escape this perilous situation.
The Victorian era solidified the moral judgments we still observe today. In the nineteenth century, "good" women were considered devoid of sexual appetite, while "bad" women sought pleasure. The pursuit of joy was often blamed on literature, equestrian activities, or perceived masculine traits. When women experienced sexual arousal, they were often met with contempt.
Sigmund Freud's inquiries into female desire only exacerbated the situation. He posited that women who were "unhealthy" were driven by their clitoris, while those deemed "healthy" redirected that energy toward reproduction. This misunderstanding led to practices like clitorectomies, aiming to suppress female pleasure and enforce domestic roles.
Section 1.2: The Modern Context
Although genital mutilation has fallen out of favor, the control of women's reproductive rights continues. Is it any better to shift focus from the clitoris to the uterus? Religious conservatives still punish women for seeking pleasure. Just as Victorian doctors wielded their scalpels, today’s conservatives undermine essential health care rights.
Much remains unchanged. When a man's anatomy is visible, he is celebrated as a virile specimen, yet a woman’s anatomy is often derided as "camel toe." Why do we honor male bodies while shaming female ones?
In scientific discussions, female pleasure remains an enigma. Researchers often debate which gender possesses a stronger libido. They label the female orgasm as complex while deeming the male orgasm straightforward, attributing women's difficulties to a lack of sexual fulfillment. However, studies reveal women can reach orgasm more rapidly through self-exploration than through partnered encounters.
The narrative often suggests that women's sexual experiences are flawed, yet they only become problematic in the presence of men. Ironically, significant funding goes towards researching male orgasms, while female orgasms receive scant attention. Far-right conservatives decry sex research as a misuse of taxpayer funds but shift their stance regarding erectile dysfunction.
Infidelity further complicates this narrative. Darwin theorized that men are naturally inclined to spread their genes, yet studies indicate married women often grow bored in their relationships, leading some to seek solo pleasure, stray, or even divorce.
The exhaustion of being the gatekeeper of desire is evident.
Chapter 2: A Path Forward
To combat this hypocrisy, we must eliminate abstinence-only education. We should educate young people on the truth: humans engage in sex for pleasure, not merely for procreation. It's crucial to rectify anatomy textbooks that present inaccurate depictions of female genitalia and to bridge the orgasm gap. We must celebrate nudity in art and film equally, regardless of gender.
Most importantly, we need to stop instilling the belief in young girls that their value is contingent upon their ability to manage male desire. While healthy sexuality indeed involves respecting oneself and engaging with those who reciprocate that respect, it also requires the freedom to surrender.
Have you ever wondered why successful women often seek dominance in their intimate lives? It's because we grow weary of always being in control and are exhausted from being the ones responsible for male desire. It's time to release that burden.
The first video "Women Are Tired Of Being Masculine" explores the societal pressures on women regarding their sexuality and the dynamics of desire.
The second video "How to ACTUALLY Get a Girlfriend: An 8-Step Guide" offers insights into modern dating and relationship dynamics, highlighting the importance of mutual respect.