Chapter 1: The Reality of Rejection

Years ago, I frequently submitted personal essays for publication, particularly to Salon, which was renowned for showcasing such work. At that time, it was the premier magazine for personal narratives. However, none of my submissions ever received any feedback; they simply vanished into an editorial void. This experience left me feeling quite disheartened. I often imagined that the essays editor had a strong dislike for me, though I understood it wasn’t personal. I felt that my ideas and expressions simply fell flat in her eyes.

Later, after I had stopped trying to get published by Salon, a friend suggested I read Blackout, a memoir by Sarah Hepola. It details her struggles with alcoholism and her journey to regain control over her life. Toward the end of the book, Hepola recounts moments when she would come home from work and isolate herself in a dark closet for hours, battling the urge to drink. This was a grim time for her. She wrote about her role as an editor at Salon and the support she received from her supervisor while grappling with her addiction.

Interestingly, Hepola was the very editor to whom I had submitted my essays.

Upon hearing that part of the audiobook, I felt a jolt of realization. The timeframe she described coincided perfectly with when I had been sending my essays to her. I had mistakenly thought that her silence was a reflection of her disdain for my writing.

When we believe something is about us—whatever "it" may be—it's often completely unrelated to our actions or worth. While I was immersed in disappointment over her lack of response, she was battling her own demons. Yes, it’s possible she read my submissions and found them lacking, but the importance I attributed to my writing in her world was grossly inflated.

Editors receive an overwhelming number of essays daily—perhaps 20 or even 100. Regardless of how significant my work felt to me, it likely held little importance to her. Most crucially, I overlooked that the person on the receiving end might have their own burdens, unknown to me.

I can’t recall the details of those essays, whether I published any elsewhere, or if they were even of good quality. What remains with me is that the editor I thought about constantly was simultaneously navigating an incredibly tough period in her life. It was never truly about me.

Chapter 2: The Bigger Picture

In the video titled It's Not You!, explore the idea that rejection is often more about the circumstances surrounding the editor than the quality of your writing. This perspective can help alleviate personal feelings of inadequacy.

The video It's Not About You delves into the notion that many responses we receive regarding our creative work are influenced by factors unrelated to us. Understanding this can shift our perspective on rejection.

In life, a lot of what we perceive is not centered around us. The feedback we get on our writing often doesn’t reflect our value or effort. Whether it’s from editors or readers, we can’t assume we know what they think about our work unless they express it directly. It’s wise not to presume that our need for recognition is their primary concern.

Regardless of our aspirations, there are others involved who may be carrying unseen burdens. Ultimately, the only elements I can control are my choices to write and share my work. That is the sole aspect of being a writer that truly revolves around me.