How to Transform Jealousy into a Positive Force
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Understanding Jealousy
Recently, a friend inquired, “How is it that you never seem to feel jealousy or frustration towards others?” They noted my ability to manage negative feelings, which helped me avoid conflicts and concentrate on what truly matters. Even as a child, I didn’t experience jealousy or anxiety about my friendships. While there were instances of envy, they never overwhelmed me. In this post, I'll share my approach to handling jealousy.
Defining Jealousy
To better convey my perspective, I've categorized jealousy into two main types:
- Material Jealousy: This refers to envy over possessions or lifestyles (such as wealth, cars, and time).
- Relational Jealousy: This involves envy regarding the connections others have with people (like friendships and romantic relationships).
Desire vs. Jealousy
Wanting something is a natural human emotion, yet many people mistakenly equate desire with jealousy and view it negatively. For instance, when I see someone living in a luxurious apartment in NYC—something I personally don’t aspire to—I often feel indifferent or even happy for them. Conversely, when I encounter someone who travels frequently, that’s when jealousy arises. This shows that jealousy often signals a desire for something we want. The empowering realization is that you can achieve what others have. As Soraya wisely said, “If someone else has done it, I can do it too. If I can do it, so can you.” Wouldn't it be more beneficial to view others as sources of inspiration rather than competition?
Applying This to Relationships
The same concept applies to relationships. If you feel a desire to connect with a particular person but notice someone else forming that bond, remember that you can also create such a connection. Others should not be seen as rivals but as motivational figures.
How do you prefer to manage feelings of jealousy?
Until next time,
Mal