Chapter 1: Understanding Toxicity

In our society, we often hear phrases like, "What was she thinking with that outfit?" or "You're just being too sensitive." Comments such as, “I’d love to have a piece of her,” and “She clearly married him for his wealth,” abound. Phrases like, “She’d look better if she changed her hair color,” and “I dislike female bosses,” highlight the negative perceptions many hold about women. Expressions like, “Women tend to be emotional” or “I prefer working with men” reinforce the stereotype of women being overly dramatic. Remarks about women being “catty” or insinuations that they’ve “slept their way to the top” contribute to a toxic narrative. Additionally, there’s the objectifying sentiment of appreciating a woman’s body while reducing her worth to physical attributes.

My upbringing led me to believe that many men exhibited "toxic" behaviors, while women appeared more evolved. My father’s infidelity and my brother’s treatment of his partners as disposable were formative experiences. Working in finance for over two decades—a field largely dominated by men—exposed me to sexual comments and dismissive attitudes toward women from male colleagues. However, the real surprise came from witnessing how women treated one another in both personal and professional contexts.

The disparaging remarks I encountered were predominantly voiced by women about their peers. I have seen and felt numerous instances of belittling and sabotaging behavior from women towards other women, with some actions bordering on cruelty. Yes, toxic individuals exist, and the impact of "mean girls" can be just as detrimental as traditional masculine toxicity, undermining women's roles in society.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that men are the sole purveyors of toxicity, while women are merely victims. A disconcerting comment from a mother of two boys, expressing relief at not having daughters, made me reflect on the mindset we foster. Such beliefs should have faded with time, yet they persist.

Let’s not forget the age-old adage: “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” This raises questions about the values we instill in our sons. Will they perceive the disdain for women that some mothers may express? It’s crucial to recognize that women can be just as toxic as men.

I regret to admit that I’ve been guilty of voicing negative opinions about other women. From my perspective, our treatment of each other transcends gender or whether one embodies masculine or feminine traits. Ultimately, it comes down to our level of mindfulness in our interactions with others.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Toxicity

Section 2.1: Challenging Gender Norms

The preconceived notions regarding masculinity and femininity often obscure the reality of interpersonal dynamics. Toxicity can manifest in various forms and can be perpetuated by both genders.

Subsection 2.1.1: Recognizing Internalized Beliefs