# Let’s Rethink the Narrative Around Female Hypergamy in Dating
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Understanding Female Hypergamy
The term "female hypergamy" refers to the idea that women are biologically driven to seek partners of higher social or economic status, often described as the tendency to "date up." This notion is frequently echoed in various online male communities that delve into dating and relationship dynamics.
Many men, along with self-proclaimed dating coaches, attribute the complications in modern dating to women's alleged desire for more attractive, wealthier, and powerful partners. This belief suggests that many men who do not meet these criteria are left facing significant challenges in their romantic lives. But does this narrative hold true in reality, or is it merely a misinterpretation by some?
The short answer is a mix of both.
On one hand, studies indicate that women tend to be more selective when choosing romantic partners compared to men. They generally prefer partners who exhibit ambition and social dominance. Conversely, men often prefer younger and more attractive women. This suggests that both genders exhibit hypergamous behaviors, albeit with different priorities.
However, we must also consider the counterargument.
When examining research on hypergamy and partner preferences, there is often a disproportionate focus on stated preferences rather than actual behaviors. This can distort our understanding of how individuals choose their partners and what they value in relationships.
Additionally, people typically do not seek partners based on a single criterion, and the attributes they prioritize can evolve based on various situations.
Real-World Partner Matching
Observations on heterosexual couples reveal some interesting trends:
- Similar Traits in Couples: Contrary to the belief that opposites attract, research shows that couples often share many similarities. A comprehensive meta-study involving 8.5 million individuals, including half a million participants from the UK, demonstrated that couples can share up to 89% of their analyzed traits, such as age, religious beliefs, political views, and educational background.
- Focus on Money, Age, and Status: Proponents of the hypergamy narrative frequently emphasize three main factors: age, attractiveness, and financial status. While it may be assumed that a woman who marries an older, wealthier man is hypergamous, statistics tell a different story.
The average age difference between married heterosexual couples in the US is only 2.3 years, with men generally being older. When considering couples with a 10-year age gap or more, only 8% of male-female pairs fit this description. In comparison, same-sex couples show higher percentages.
- Economic Trends: While it is true that men have traditionally been the primary earners in marriages, this is changing. Currently, nearly half of marriages in the US feature women earning equal to or more than their male partners, with the average difference being around $53,000. The rise of stay-at-home dads indicates a shift in financial dynamics.
If hypergamy were as prevalent as often claimed, we would expect to see a trend where women exclusively married older men. However, this is not the case.
The Scapegoat of Hypergamy
Some men use the concept of female hypergamy as an excuse for their difficulties in dating, promoting traditional gender roles as a rationale for why men should enhance their social and economic standing to improve their dating prospects. Ultimately, this perspective serves as a coping mechanism.
In Conclusion
While female hypergamy does exist, it is neither a universal trend nor the primary factor influencing partner selection. Most women, like men, seek partners who align with their values, personalities, and life goals.
So, the next time you encounter someone espousing hypergamy myths, consider guiding them toward a more nuanced understanding instead of engaging in the same old arguments.