Reflections on Love: A Letter to Jennifer Lopez
Written on
Understanding Love and Relationships
Dear Jennifer,
I hope you’re comfortable with me addressing you as Jen. I was saddened to hear about your split from Ben Affleck. It seems everyone has their own take on what went wrong. Some say he was too unpredictable, while others suggest you fell in love with the idea of love itself. What do I know, really? I’ve been happily married for 26 years, so my perspective might be limited.
Let me pose a few questions: Did you and Ben seek couples therapy before making your vows? Did you consider cohabiting for a year to see how things unfolded? This isn't a critique—just a curiosity of mine. I often reflect on the essence of love.
Love manifests in various forms: the love for art, pets, homes, or even our favorite meals. Then there’s the love between people, which varies greatly among family, friends, lovers, and even strangers who share intimate moments and label it as making love.
Many researchers argue that much of what we perceive as love is fundamentally biological—a blend of genetic and chemical influences shaping our emotions. In this view, love boils down to physical attraction and attachment. However, it extends far deeper than that.
Attempting to define love may seem futile. At its core, to truly experience love involves intimacy, passion, commitment, selfless sacrifice, and a sense of detachment. To experience love in this profound way is to connect with the Wisdom Mind. Love encompasses cultural, biological, social, psychological, and spiritual dimensions—it resists categorization yet lies at the heart of everything meaningful.
Love inspires us to make selfless sacrifices.
A Poetic Reflection on Love
Love, oh love, you gift so sweet,
A truth unnamed, my heart's heartbeat,
Along your path, a rhythm to greet,
Come, dear seekers, gather near,
Learn to love and hold each other dear,
Binding your hearts in love, sincere.
©Lewis Harrison, all rights reserved.
In my personal journey, I enjoy engaging with teachers, coaches, and mentors to discover their insights. This practice enriches my life, both professionally and personally. I actively seek out coaching and:
- Support groups
- Collaborative projects
- Mentorship opportunities
- Mastermind gatherings
One of my cherished support groups is the Serving Circle, which meets every Tuesday from 7 to 8:30 PM (EST) via Zoom. Typically, about 25 compassionate individuals join, all eager to make a positive impact and enhance their well-being.
Through this group, I encountered Dawn Rishárd. Dawn is a passionate speaker and counselor championing women's empowerment and equality in partnerships. A few months back, she shared this powerful thought:
"Love is arguably the most explored, celebrated, and debated subject. Yet, despite endless discussions, very few grasp its true essence. Today, many feel disheartened by love, disillusioned by unreciprocated affections. They long for romantic ideals akin to those in novels like '50 Shades of Grey,' filled with mystery, star-crossed lovers, and the tantalizing dance of control and surrender, often void of emotional depth."
The romanticized narratives in fairy tales and rom-coms showcase the thrill of pursuit and the rush of attraction. However, they rarely depict the reality after the initial excitement fades—when daily life takes precedence, and the genuine work of unconditional love begins. This phase is often overlooked, which likely contributes to the high divorce rates.
- Throughout my career as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I’ve dedicated myself to helping couples mend their relationships, even when I struggled with my own.
After 27 years of marriage and four extensive therapy sessions, I made the difficult decision to divorce. Couples therapy can be effective, but it requires both partners to acknowledge their roles. Unfortunately, many haven’t learned to manage their emotions or express them healthily, often lacking kindness, compassion, and respect—qualities promised in their vows.
Many come from backgrounds where emotional intelligence is scarce, leading to toxic behaviors and ineffective communication. Addictions, mental health issues, and past traumas can further complicate the quest for healthy relationships.
Thus, how can we find, create, and sustain genuine love amidst these challenges?
- I am on a quest to discover a community equally invested in understanding Real Love.
I may not hold all the answers, but I’m always ready to explore meaningful questions. I believe in the power of openness and connection, and I strive to be a transparent example for others.
- My plan is to share my reflections here weekly. Please bear with me as I navigate my writing—my strength lies in speaking, and my style is conversational, often lacking in literary finesse.
I hope you focus on the feelings and sentiments behind my words rather than the grammatical structure.
I host a podcast called "Wake Up to Real Love," available on platforms like iTunes and Spotify. I launched it after my divorce, motivated by the thought that if I struggled with my marriage despite my professional background, countless others must be facing similar battles. I wanted to normalize these emotional challenges to help others feel less alone.
Carrying the weight of shame for not salvaging my marriage, I didn’t want others to endure similar feelings for their experiences. My hope is that through sharing these stories, listeners and readers alike cultivate compassion for themselves and others.
As a creator of courses and aspiring author, I also work as a flight attendant, engaging with diverse cultures through my counseling. I aspire to shift my focus from airplanes to speaking engagements and workshops on love and relationships worldwide.
Through my experiences, I’ve learned that every person desires acknowledgment and acceptance without fear of judgment. They seek to love and be loved in safe, trusting environments, yearning for joy and fulfillment.
- My journey of growth and transformation has been significant.
Through my marriage and subsequent divorce, I’ve learned what not to do and, hopefully, what to embrace in future relationships. My children have taught me the importance of kindness and accountability. If I ever hurt them, I strive to take full responsibility, repair the damage, and seek forgiveness.
The Key Takeaway
So, Jen, understand that being in love with the idea of love is delightful, but it doesn’t provide a solid foundation for lasting relationships. Real Love fosters connections built on trust and safety, rather than walls of discontent. Reflect on this and consider seeking guidance on choosing the right partner who complements your vibrant personality. Isn’t it time to escape the confines of self-doubt? Taking this step is a great beginning. What comes next?
© 2024 by Lewis Harrison. All rights reserved. If you wish to delve deeper into this topic, I offer personalized mentoring. Learn more below...
More About Mentoring and Coaching With Me…
I believe you will find immense value in this program, and as you progress, personalized mentoring may become beneficial. For details on my low-cost, content-rich program, please reach out via email at [email protected].
About the Creator
Lewis Harrison is a public intellectual who has been mentoring and coaching diverse individuals—from visionaries to billionaires—seeking to enhance their effectiveness and self-awareness for over fifty years.
Testimonials
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"Lewis is remarkable. I recommend him to anyone seeking less stress and more energy."
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"Lewis, your program was foundational in defining my interest in alternative medicine, and I am grateful for your guidance."
I am currently battling Stage 4 cancer but remain determined to thrive while serving others. A friend has created a GoFundMe fundraiser to support my journey, and any help would be deeply appreciated.
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About Dawn Rishárd, M.A.
Dawn Rishárd is the Chief Executive Officer and a Licensed Professional Counselor at The Awakening With Dawn. With two decades of experience, she empowers individuals to release the past and embrace the love they deserve. She specializes in healing painful relationships and advocates for women's empowerment and equality in partnerships.
Connect with her on LinkedIn:
✍ — Published by B.R. Shenoy at Dancing Elephants Press. For submission guidelines, click here.