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Chapter 1: Understanding People Pleasing
Throughout my teenage years and into my early adulthood, I often found myself trying to please everyone around me. Growing up in a culture that avoided confrontation clashed with my naturally straightforward disposition. It dawned on me that seeking to satisfy others consumes valuable energy—energy that is both limited and precious, especially when pursuing personal objectives.
I came to a turning point where I ceased to care about others’ opinions. The positive outcomes have been immense, benefiting my mental, physical, and financial well-being.
Recently, I shared my thoughts on LinkedIn regarding the controversy involving Will Smith. I expressed that discussing this incident was a waste of time and diverted attention from our goals. A person strongly disagreed and wrote an extensive response arguing its importance. I chose not to engage.
Another individual concurred, and I remained silent. Subsequently, another person contested that view, leading to a discussion among them, while my original post faded into obscurity. In the past, such interactions would have unsettled me; I would have felt compelled to defend my stance. Now, I recognize that the post itself was my point. Engaging in an argument would only undermine my message.
The Importance of Minimizing Distractions
In our fast-paced world, distractions are everywhere, and our time is finite. To achieve our aspirations, we must strive to minimize, if not eradicate, these diversions. We need to channel our energy toward our objectives, as any distraction can sap our motivation and resources.
At times, we may find ourselves worrying about how others will perceive our failures, which only leads to unnecessary overthinking—a distraction in its own right.
We often recognize the smaller distractions in our lives: the tempting cookie jar when trying to lose weight, the television blaring while studying, or the incessant notifications from our phones while trying to focus on work. However, we may overlook larger distractions that stem from our internal struggles.
How to Overcome People Pleasing
The solution is straightforward: stop viewing people pleasing as a character trait to improve. Instead, recognize it as a distraction to be avoided, much like any other interference.
Be mindful of this tendency and consciously distance yourself from it. The world values your unique talents, but it is also filled with diverse opinions. You cannot satisfy everyone. If someone seeks validation in your space, allow them that moment; perhaps they simply needed to express themselves. Instead, focus on your goals and continue moving forward.
This video, "How to Stop Being A People Pleaser and Start Putting Yourself First" by Mel Robbins, offers insights on prioritizing your own needs over others' expectations.
In this video, "How to Stop Being a People Pleaser," you'll learn practical strategies to break free from the habit of seeking approval from others.