Finding the Right Love: An Essential Truth for Your Journey
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Chapter 1: Recognizing the Core Truth About Love
In my extensive experience dating over the last 15 years, I missed one pivotal insight. Had I not spent time with a relationship coach, I might have overlooked it for another decade and a half. This truth is the root of why many of my relationships ended abruptly, why I often chose partners who weren't compatible, and why I finally sought therapy this year—something I should have done much earlier.
To begin, for years I approached dating like many men do. I sought a feminine partner with whom I connected well, who could make me laugh, shared similar values, and challenged me just enough, all while being attractive. The initial excitement felt exhilarating, but often, that spark would dim, leading to a cycle of arguments and dissatisfaction.
After a painful breakup, I found myself back at the starting point, questioning where I went wrong and if the next chance would be better. However, the issue isn’t about luck.
Don't Fall for Trauma Bonds
One critical element affects our romantic relationships more than any other. It transcends communication, attraction, and even genetic compatibility. The startling truth is that people engage in relationships that reflect their level of consciousness.
The first time a relationship coach articulated this concept, it was a revelation. As children, we learn what love means through our parents' treatment of us. Unfortunately, these foundational experiences aren't always positive.
Having experienced my parents' separation at a young age, I absorbed my mother's fear-driven behavior, often gravitating towards partners who needed rescuing. But after a particularly explosive relationship, I realized it was time for a significant shift. Through various therapeutic experiences and workshops, I gained clarity and witnessed a remarkable change in my dating choices.
Now, I intentionally seek out individuals who contribute positively to my life, rather than falling into the trap of drama and dependency, which I now find unappealing. If you remain unaware of your unhealthy relationship patterns, you will continue to attract individuals with similar issues. These "love" connections can feel intoxicating at first but often lead to dramatic lows when challenges arise, akin to being stuck in a toxic cycle.
Once I grasped the essence of a healthy relationship, I was astounded by the difference. No more chaos or heated arguments—just two aligned individuals nurturing each other's best qualities. It requires effort, but the rewards are invaluable.
Section 1.1: Questions to Elevate Your Relationships
To enhance your relationships, you must elevate your consciousness. Understanding your patterns and beliefs about love enables you to replace toxic elements with healthier options, allowing for connections with like-minded individuals.
Be prepared—this journey demands significant effort. A simple article and a few questions won't suffice to transform your love life. However, by sincerely engaging with these questions, you can begin to uncover the roots of your relationship patterns:
- What does love mean to me?
- Where did my ideas about love originate?
- What does a healthy relationship look like for me?
- Are there recurring patterns in my relationships, and are they beneficial?
- What qualities do I seek in an ideal partner?
- How do I feel loved, and how do I express love?
- Which past experiences have shaped my unhealthy views on love?
Honest reflections on these questions will illuminate your relationship tendencies and help you understand why you are drawn to certain individuals. This marks the beginning of the genuine work.
After identifying my misguided beliefs, I began processing my traumas and closely examining my thoughts and behaviors to prevent falling back into detrimental habits. Rather than pursuing toxic attractions, I consciously sought those who were genuinely good for me.
The most challenging aspect was recognizing that conscious love often lacks the initial intensity of trauma-based love, making it easy to mistake for a lack of chemistry. It resembles nurturing a small flame rather than igniting a blaze of gasoline-fueled passion. While it may not overwhelm you at first, it has the potential to develop into a profoundly fulfilling connection.
True, conscious love is a deliberate choice—make that choice wisely.
Chapter 2: Emotional Growth Through Music
This lyric video by Leanna Crawford, "Make It Through," serves as a reminder that love is a journey filled with challenges and growth.
In her music video "Jesus Is," Leanna Crawford beautifully illustrates the power of faith and love in overcoming life's obstacles.