Chapter 1: Understanding Trauma

"Remember, you don't need to be perfect to deserve love." I recite this affirmation daily, yet my flaws often lead me to feel like a disappointment.

In a world that sometimes feels overwhelmingly isolating, I grapple with the profound sense of longing that can be hard to articulate. When I try to express my feelings, it often seems that no one is truly listening, and those who do respond with, "Your life looks fine; why are you sad?" never grasp the depth of my struggles.

Although I acknowledge my selfish tendencies, isn't the act of being selfless in itself a form of selfishness? All I desire is to be acknowledged and supported by someone who genuinely cares. My heart yearns for acceptance, yet it seems perpetually out of reach.

I often choose solitude over the potential pain of letting others in. However, isolating myself only deepens my sense of entrapment.

At times, it feels as if I am submerged in a flood of emotions, with my heart racing under their weight. When I look in the mirror, my failures and mistakes loom large, their shadows haunting me, while my soul is filled with anguish. I cry out for assistance, yet it seems my pleas go unheard. I shout in frustration, but it feels like my voice barely carries.

I cling to the hope that someone will eventually discover me and offer the comfort and support I desperately seek. Yet, time and again, those I connect with seem to siphon away my joy, leaving me feeling even more fractured. I never hold them accountable; I recognize my tendency to complicate situations unnecessarily. Just think of how challenging I must make it for them!

There was a time when I felt whole and content, until I realized that I was unlike anyone around me. Did that make me a monster, a blemish on this earth that others fled from?

Trauma envelops me; I once experienced a fleeting moment of peace. Yet, that promise of tranquility has been shattered, and now I feel as though I'm sinking once more.

You are my creator, yet I find myself in control. Why, then, have you not yet found me?

What is Trauma? - YouTube

This video explores the concept of trauma, providing insights into its effects on the mind and body. Understanding trauma is the first step toward healing.

Chapter 2: The Search for Healing

What is trauma? The author of “The Body Keeps the Score” explains | Bessel van der Kolk | Big Think - YouTube

In this insightful talk, Bessel van der Kolk discusses the nature of trauma and its impact on individuals, shedding light on pathways to recovery.