Chapter 1: The Awakening

To be honest, when I regained consciousness after a serious car accident and discovered that a shadowy corporation had turned me into a formidable cybernetic assassin, I was flooded with questions. Was I still human? Who gave them the authority to play god? How would this alter my weekend brunch plans?

Little did I realize that this transformation into a literal killing machine would become the best thing to ever happen to me.

While I certainly didn’t request robotic limbs or an overwhelming compulsion to eliminate targets, now that I have them, I can’t imagine my life any other way. Not even because a part of my brain dedicated to creativity has been replaced with a GPS unit.

For starters, my self-esteem has skyrocketed. I used to be rather unremarkable. An ex once rated me a mere 4 out of 10. Now, I confidently strut through life as a 9. Specifically, a 9-XG8300-D Omega Class Bio-Tech Infiltrator Drone.

I used to fret about my asymmetrical features, but with half of my face now encased in sleek metal, I feel more self-assured than ever. I only need to apply foundation on one side, although my WD-40 expenses have certainly increased. I’ve come to appreciate every aspect of my appearance, from the laugh lines to the striking red glow of my vision processor.

Finding clothes is now a breeze. If my top is too tight, I can simply detach what I don’t want. If a dress clashes with my complexion, I can persuade the tailor at gunpoint to create something new. And dieting? Forget it! My internal lithium-ion energy core vaporizes all junk food instantly.

For the first time, I feel completely at ease strolling through the streets at night. In the past, guys would shout things like, “Hey, you’d look hotter with a smile!” Now, I hear, “Please don’t shoot me with your wrist-mounted laser cannon!” and “Ouch! She actually shot me!”

Sure, my schedule is filled with covert assassination missions, but it hasn’t severely impacted my professional life. As a woman in a male-dominated workplace, I often struggled to make my voice heard. Nowadays, when I blow a hole through the conference room wall, it feels like I have everyone’s attention.

My social life has also improved. Becoming a cyborg assassin helps reveal who your true friends are—my heads-up display automatically categorizes people as “ALLIES” or “THREATS.” No more second-guessing if Katie from pilates is gossiping about me. The moment I walked into the studio, my auto-targeting system identified her as an “INTEL LEAK” and eliminated her with a precise flechette strike.

My self-confidence is through the roof, and as someone equipped with rocket legs, that’s saying something. Sure, my brother has a family, and my sister is a successful physician. But do either of them have over twenty-eight confirmed kills? I highly doubt it.

Of course, there are some drawbacks. Occasionally, I gaze into the mirror and fail to recognize my own reflection. It’s not just the altered features—I've adjusted to that. It’s my eyes. I can spend hours staring, searching for a hint of humanity buried beneath the circuitry. It’s still there, but it’s becoming increasingly elusive.

On a lighter note, I now have a metal rear end. Cleanup is a breeze!

Audrey Clark was created during a failed experiment aimed at producing a funny, attractive person. Follow her on Twitter @audreynotfunny, on Instagram @audreynotphotos, or catch her on the streets of Sydney, Australia.

Section 1.1: The Cyborg Lifestyle

Embracing my new identity has brought unexpected joys.

Chapter 2: Adventures in Cyborg Life

Watch as a cyborg assassin navigates life and completes missions in "Completing The Mission As A Cyborg Assassin - The Henry Stickmin Collection."

Join in on the fun with "Ninja Cyborg - Play Along with the Choose Your Own Adventure Bros," where choices lead to thrilling outcomes.