Chapter 1: The Nature of Judgment

It’s remarkably easy to be critical of ourselves, isn’t it? This form of judgment often manifests as self-deprecation. When we believe we’ve acted wrongly, we experience regret. We may question our own goodness. Is this self-criticism merely a flaw in our character, a societal conditioning, or a way to inflict pain on ourselves?

We can also find ourselves being judgmental towards others. We might think someone is too blind to recognize the truth, or that they’re attempting to undermine us. Perhaps we perceive them as believing they are superior. Occasionally, we may feel that we’ve squandered our time or our lives. What exactly is it that feels wasted when we believe time slips away? It’s a natural human inclination to desire meaning in our lives. Luckily, we can recall moments that fill us with joy and a sense of purpose.

Moreover, being alive entails vulnerability. Loving others makes us vulnerable, which, despite its daunting nature, is an essential and life-affirming gift. Our vulnerability allows us to learn, feel, and act. It highlights our interdependence with others and our genuine presence in the moment.

Sometimes, we may find ourselves competing within discussions, turning them into debates that we feel compelled to win. But what do we truly stand to lose if our perspective isn’t accepted? Often, this competitive spirit is rooted in our insecurity and fear of being wrong. I observed during my teaching career that as I gained experience and confidence, I became more open to various perspectives and better equipped to support my students in expressing themselves.

We might label ourselves as “bad” simply because we aspire to be “good.” When we judge others or ourselves, it could stem from a deep-seated awareness that we are capable of living more profoundly and kindly.

Recently, I experienced anxiety regarding a necessary medical procedure. A doctor reminded me of a mindfulness principle I thought I understood: our anxiety often arises from our awareness of calmness and our desire to experience it. This insight was reassuring.

In today’s world, we’re grappling with divisiveness, wars, and other unimaginable atrocities. Yet, recognizing how detrimental division is to our collective well-being can help us appreciate the necessity for cooperation and peace. Deep down, we may sense that a sense of communion awaits us beyond the chaos.

When we view division, competition, and self-judgment, we often overlook the distortions affecting our perceptions and conclusions about life. For instance, feelings of regret may signal a need for further learning or indicate that we fear something essential is absent within us. This absence can often be projected onto others. However, the real issue may be a lack of clarity about our self-concept, stemming from attempts to conform to external expectations.

Abstract thinking can be a double-edged sword. It inherently separates and analyzes. David Hinton, in his work Existence: A Story, observes that thought is always directed at something outside of itself, creating the illusion of a distinct self versus everything else.

The ancient text, the Tao Te Ching, beautifully articulates this idea: “The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao.” Everything we define pushes against the undefined, emphasizing how our understanding of opposites helps us grasp reality.

We recognize warmth because of cold, parent because of child, and sound because of silence. We understand ourselves only by also acknowledging what we label as “not-self.” Focusing solely on one aspect leads to suffering, whether physical or emotional. Simplifying complexity often results in pain. Yet, in moments of stillness, we can recognize our mistaken beliefs as ultimate truths and see ourselves as transient beings rather than fixed entities.

Embracing this impermanence demands humility. James Baldwin eloquently stated: “One must say Yes to life and embrace it whenever it is found — and it is found in terrible places; nevertheless, there it is…. For nothing is fixed; forever and forever and forever it is not fixed…”

By releasing the desire to embody an unattainable, isolated self, we can find joy and relief in simply existing within our interconnected world.

The video titled "Independent Witches | 4-Sided Dive | Episode 4: Discussing Up To C3E24 & Calamity" explores themes of connection and understanding in challenging times. The discussion highlights the importance of community and the need for empathy and support in the face of adversity.

Chapter 2: The Path to Communion

In light of recent events, including the invasion of Israel by Hamas, thoughts of peace and joy may seem particularly elusive. The weight of fear, anger, and grief can feel overwhelming. Nevertheless, clarity and understanding can emerge, helping us determine how to respond constructively amidst chaos.

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This story was previously published on The Good Men Project. About Ira Rabois: With 27 years of teaching experience at the Lehman Alternative School in Ithaca, N.Y., Ira Rabois developed an innovative curriculum spanning various subjects, honing a method of mindful inquiry. He writes extensively on education and mindfulness and is the author of Compassionate Critical Thinking: How Mindfulness, Creativity, Empathy, and Socratic Questioning Can Transform Teaching.