Embracing Authenticity: The Journey Beyond People Pleasing
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Chapter 1: The Cost of People Pleasing
I once awoke from a vivid dream that left me deeply unsettled. In this dream, I was perpetually saying yes to everyone, leading to a profound sense of exhaustion. I realized that I had been prioritizing others' happiness at the expense of my own desires. This constant need to please left me feeling trapped, as if I were living within an inflated bubble with little room to breathe. My thoughts were dictated by external expectations rather than my true feelings.
Reflecting back about three years, I found myself grappling with these emotions, particularly before the pandemic changed our social landscapes. With the collapse of once-solid social circles, I began to wonder: What would happen if I stopped trying to please everyone?
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
This video explores the journey of breaking free from the habit of pleasing others, offering practical advice and insights.
Section 1.1: The Motivation Behind Pleasing
The term "people pleaser" describes individuals who consistently seek to satisfy others. But what drives this behavior? Is it truly essential for our well-being, or does it stem from a deeper need for validation? I must admit, I disagree with the notion that we derive happiness solely from others' joy. We often become fixated on the idea of being the one who brings smiles to others’ faces.
When we conform to what others expect, we risk losing our sense of self. This painful cycle of constantly trying to be the "good" person takes a toll on our identity.
Subsection 1.1.1: Lessons from "Love, Victor"
Recently, I binge-watched the second season of Love, Victor. Initially, I viewed it as just another teenage drama, but it soon revealed profound themes about identity and the pressures of pleasing others. Victor, the main character, struggles with his sexuality while trying to appease his traditional Catholic family. His journey highlights the costs of sacrificing one's true self for the sake of others.
Section 1.2: Finding Your Voice
In past conversations, I often found myself adopting a defensive tone, carefully avoiding conflicts. I hesitated to express my opinions, fearing that doing so would upset others. This habit of self-censorship masked my true thoughts, leading to a sense of inauthenticity. However, I finally broke free from this one-sided understanding, which has granted me greater freedom than I ever imagined.
Chapter 2: The Roots of People Pleasing
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Showing Up for Yourself | Mel Robbins
This video discusses how to prioritize your own needs and find your authentic self, instead of seeking approval from others.
Section 2.1: The Need for Approval
From a young age, we are often conditioned to behave in a way that is deemed "decent." This desire for acceptance can lead us to suppress our true selves in favor of conformity. The quest for validation becomes an insidious cycle that undermines our self-awareness. But what if we dared to act independently, despite the potential for disapproval?
Section 2.2: Distinguishing Selfishness from Self-Care
Many people confuse the desire to pursue their own interests with selfishness. In reality, the latter involves disregarding others' wishes, while the former respects both parties' desires. People pleasers often view self-care as selfish, leading to a lack of personal fulfillment.
Being understanding and compassionate are admirable traits, but they differ fundamentally from the compulsion to make everyone happy.
Section 2.3: The Masks We Wear
Christine Carter once said, "Pretending will rob you of joy," and I wholeheartedly agree. We sometimes mask our true selves under the guise of politeness, believing that doing so is virtuous. However, sacrificing our happiness to maintain this facade leads to a disconnect from who we really are.
It’s crucial to reassess how much we compromise our identity for the sake of others' comfort. Eventually, I learned to embrace my authentic self, leading to a boost in self-esteem and a stronger connection with who I truly am.
In conclusion, I have chosen to prioritize my own needs and desires. This transformation has allowed me to reclaim my time and energy, enabling me to respond to messages when I genuinely want to, rather than feeling obligated. As Esther Walker aptly stated, “If you don’t make people happy, people aren’t too happy about it.” Yet I’ve come to realize that my primary obligation is to my own happiness.
Hi, I'm Bensu. I write about the mind, emotional struggles, and self-love. If you enjoyed my insights on personal growth, consider following my work for more inspiration.