Finding Clarity in Sobriety: Overcoming Alcohol Use Disorder
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Chapter 1: A Journey Begins
The clock struck two in the morning as I exited my favorite dart bar. The night had been filled with delicious food and enjoyable drinks, and surprisingly, I had left with an extra $20 in my pocket.
I zipped up my leather jacket and made my way to my motorcycle. With my helmet secured and gloves on, the warmth inside the helmet made me open the visor. As I commenced my 25-minute ride home, I kept the visor slightly ajar to let in some cool air. The autumn air was brisk against my skin as I sped down the road, yet I found myself sweating inside the helmet.
Reflecting on that moment, I never thought to question why I was so warm at 2 AM on a chilly night.
I fully opened my visor, unzipped my jacket, and retrieved my sunglasses, which I had needed earlier. The motions felt instinctive—almost automatic. I believed I was just skilled, convincing myself I wasn’t dependent on alcohol.
As I slowed down to 45 mph, my motorcycle started to weave unpredictably. I realized that maintaining speed was crucial to stay upright. I had 20 minutes left until my exit, but I still needed to navigate my way home.
To avoid attracting attention, I sought out traffic to blend in with. I was acutely aware that venturing too close to downtown could lead to an unfortunate encounter with law enforcement, which would surely result in a DUI and the stigma of being labeled an alcoholic.
I made a decision to turn around before reaching the city. Although I hesitated, I remembered a major hospital was just a block away.
I arrived home unscathed, but what lesson did I take away from my near-miss with a potentially fatal outcome? Nothing, really. At 25, I still felt invincible.
Reflecting on my early experiences with alcohol, I remember my first taste of hard liquor. At just 13, a friend and I visited a house where two girls we liked were babysitting. The scotch was unpleasant, but the tequila went down smoothly.
Fast forward over 40 years, and here I am, writing about my journey toward sobriety. Why did it take me so long to quit? I’ve distanced myself from toxic influences before, so why was alcohol different? I discovered that my struggles with alcohol were rooted in more than just family history or genetics; my own beliefs and mindsets were significant barriers to recovery.
For years, I held the belief that alcoholism was solely genetic. I thought, “If I have the gene, I’m destined to be an alcoholic.” This misconception weighed heavily on me, making me feel as though any attempts to quit would be futile.
However, a pivotal research paper by Howard J. Edenberg and Tatiana Foroud highlighted a vital truth: “While genetic differences influence risk, there is no singular 'gene for alcoholism.' Environmental and social factors play substantial roles.”
This revelation was earth-shattering for me.
I had long accepted that I was doomed to a life of addiction, believing I could never overcome it.
Learning About Deep Learning
During my quest for health, I stumbled upon an article titled “Why Addiction Isn’t a Disease but a Result of Deep Learning.” In simplified terms, deep learning can be likened to muscle memory; once you learn something, it stays with you.
My past drinking habits had conditioned me to believe that I could control my consumption. I could stop and start at will—until I couldn’t.
As my life faced unexpected emotional and professional challenges, I sought comfort in the one thing I thought I could manage: alcohol.
Game over. I had developed an alcohol use disorder without even realizing it. It masqueraded as something manageable, appearing voluntary until it firmly entrenched itself in my life.
Obstacle Mirages, Clear Truths, and Firm Decisions
I discovered the "Take a Break" podcast by Rachel Hart, particularly episode #138, titled "Obstacle Mirages." She explained that these are perceived barriers that our minds mistakenly believe are hindering our progress.
This concept resonated with me. I had heard that there was no specific gene for alcoholism, but I had never delved deeper. I was too entrenched in my own despair to seek the truth.
That podcast became the catalyst for my awakening. It helped me identify my mirages and reclaim my life.
I stopped giving weight to my excuses and justifications, understanding they were remnants of my past. I was determined to move forward and create a future for myself.
With this newfound mindset, I began to restore my faith in my ability to control my actions and steer away from the toxicity that surrounded me.
I opened my eyes to a brighter reality.
Quitting is a challenging process, even with support. You may often feel like you’re failing, but remember—this is part of the journey of discovering what works for you. Celebrate small victories and strive to clear away those mirages.
Finding ways to keep your mind engaged is crucial. I found solace in writing; it allowed me to connect with my sober self, the one that evokes genuine happiness.
Change your habits, reevaluate your excuses, and dismiss those mirages.
Above all, remember that when it comes to dependency, near enough isn’t good enough.
Chapter 2: Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder
In this chapter, we delve deeper into the complexities of alcohol use disorder and its impacts.
Video Description: This video from Mass General Brigham explores the facts and misconceptions surrounding alcohol use disorder, providing crucial insights into its nature and recovery.
Video Title: Alcohol Use Disorder: Facts and Misconceptions You Should Know
In the next section, we will discuss strategies for detoxification and recovery.
Chapter 3: Starting the Recovery Process
Video Description: This Stanford presentation offers guidance on detoxification and the initial steps towards recovery from alcohol addiction.
Video Title: Alcohol Addiction: How To Detox & Begin Recovery
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